


That Night

by Milady29



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt, Hurt Matthew Casey, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-01-05 20:57:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21214970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milady29/pseuds/Milady29
Summary: Matt Casey and Kelly Severide are slowly working out their relationship when a cruel prank during a call throws their lives upside down. The call that night has grave consequences for the both of them. Can they get through this and even more so, can they get through this together?





	1. Chapter 1

Almost on his tippy toes, Kelly snuck to Matt’s office in the firehouse. Nobody here knew they had been dating for weeks, and neither of them wanted anybody to find out.

It was hard keeping his love for the blonde captain hidden, but he knew that they would be in so much trouble if anybody found out. He knew Casey would at least be demoted for hiding a relationship in the firehouse when it came out they had been hiding it for weeks.

Opening the door, Matt turned around, flashing him a smile.

‘’You look like a giddy teenager.’’

‘’That is how I feel.’’ Kelly said with a smile. ‘’Please let me take you out to that new Italian restaurant I have wanted to you to for a month.’’

‘’Eh I don’t think I want to go out after this shift.’’ Casey admitted as he yawned and hung back. ‘’You get to pick where we meet up later.’’

‘’Your place.’’ Kelly decided then.

‘’Why always my place?’’

‘’It’s further away from everybody else’s house.’’ Kelly said and Matt nodded.

‘’Fair point.’’ 

Before they could make any more plans for after their shift, they were called to a scene of a housefire. As it wasn’t sure if there were any people in the building, squad was called as well to assist with possible rescues.

As they drove to the area, they were surprised not see any smoke, and it got even stranger when they pulled up on the street and saw the house they were called for wasn’t on fire.

Kelly told Tony to switch off the truck as he opened the door of the squad rig and jumped out. They weren’t too far from truck and he looked as the doors opened as well, Matt the first one to be out, looking equally quizzed at the building that was fine.

Kelly looked back at Tony, confused as the man behind the wheel shrugged. The truck crew slowly walked a bit closer to the building, Casey out front.

‘’Be careful.’’ Kelly said over the radio, a bit worried. Although there was no reason to be scared, the dark silent street and the house being perfectly fine creeped him out a bit.

‘’Probably some kids pranking us.’’ Casey answered as Kelly saw him look back at him for a second.

He looked nervously as Casey walked closer to the house, flanked by Cruz and Hermann. It became harder to spot him in the darkness from the trees growing by the street as the leaves rustled over the street lights.

Kelly was pretty sure heard from giggling from the bushes as he wanted to make a step towards the house as well.

Suddenly the silence was broken as fireworks went off near the house.

The loud bang spooked him, and the smoke quickly let Casey disappear from his view as all hell broke loose. He managed to close the door to the rig, a last ditch effort to keep his crew safe as fireworks were suddenly pelted his way as well. Leaning down against his truck, he tried to protect his face as the fireworks were pelted his way, hearing Herrmann yell in the distance. He was pretty sure he heard some laughing behind the wall of fireworks surrounding him.

‘’Matt?’’ He tried to reach him on the radio, but he was met with silence, looking at the wall of smoke in front of him with only a spark of light when one of the fireworks went off.

Kelly tried to ignore the bangs going off around him as he tried to get to the large red truck through the smoke. He heard Boden yell at him through his radio, but he had to know if Matt was okay.

The bangs only made him feel more disoriented as he tried to make his way to the truck. The smoke was getting worse and he almost stumbled as one of the firecrackers exploded at his feet.

Seeing a boy, no older than 16, in front of him with his arm raised he quickly grabbed the arm before he could throw it. The firework dropped and Kelly kicked it away.

‘’Let go of me!’’ The boy tried to fight himself free.

‘’The fuck do you think you are doing!’’ Kelly seemed to explode at the same time of as the fireworks.

‘’It was just a prank!’’

Kelly wanted to tell him what an idiot he was as he heard a groan not to far from him, pretty sure it was Matt. Letting go of the boy when he heard the sirens right after the groan, he figured that the police could take care of him.

Right as he wanted to rush to Matt, the boy grabbed his shoulder again.

‘’Let go of me!’’ Kelly warned him as he wanted to push the hand away, figuring that getting to Matt was more important.

‘’Let go of me.’’ Kelly repeated a bit slower as the boy kept holding onto him.

‘’You have to stop the police!’’ The boy said, suddenly sounded panicky.

‘’You threw the fireworks!’’ Kelly didn’t want to waste anymore time with the kid as he heard Matt groan again, knew a few of the truck crew may be hurt as they were in the worst of it.

‘’Help me!’’

‘’Let go of me!’’ Kelly warned a last time.

The boy didn’t oblige and before Kelly knew what he was doing he let his fist talk, hitting the kid in his face as he pulled himself free to rush to Matt.

In the dark and smoke, he finally saw a figure. Grabbing the arm, he finally saw it was Herrmann.

‘’Are you okay?’’

‘’Yeah, I am fine, I am fine.’’

The bangs finally lessened, the explosions making place for laughter. Boden informed them over the radio that he had already asked for back up from the police.

Now that there were no more fireworks exploding around them, it was suddenly dark.

‘’Casey, Matt?!’’ Severide yelled as the smoke was getting less. The lights that had illuminated the street only minutes ago had burst from the fireworks and he saw the glass on the ground in the dim lights from the trucks.

Rushing towards the house, he didn’t look back at the boy as he kept looking for Casey, spotting Cruz and Stella in the dim light.

Cruz was knelt down by Stella, helping her sit up as they heard the sirens in the distance.

‘’Casey?’’ Herrmann said concerned as he noticed the man stand up holding the trunk of the tree he was leaned against.

‘’I’m okay.’’ Matt said just faint and Kelly was sure something was horribly wrong. As soon as he let go of the tree he sunk down to his knees, groaning. Kelly and Cruz quickly rushed to his side.

‘’Ah, it hurts.’’ Matt said as Kelly and Cruz helped him sit down. Nervous Kelly took out his flashlight and wanted to switch it on, only to be grabbed from behind.

‘’Kelly, you need to come with us.’’ One of the police officers he recognized from Molly’s clicked a handcuff around his wrist.

In the dim light he saw Matt slump against Cruz, Cruz waving over the paramedics. 

‘’He is bleeding out!’’ Cruz yelled worried, taking a look with the flashlight now as Kelly was taken away. He tried to look back, see what was wrong with Matt but it was too dark, and Cruz obstructed his view.

‘’No! No!’’ Kelly said worried as he heard the words, wanting to run back to Matt, see what was happening, but the police pushed him forward.

From the corner of his eye, Matt saw Kelly disappear as he laid on the ground, Cruz shouting over him as his hand was around his throat. He tried to yell something after Kelly, but he wasn’t able too.

Just as Kelly disappeared from view, so did the rest of the world.


	2. Holding Cell

Kelly tried to fight himself free from the police, but knew he would only bring himself into more trouble if he did. Looking back, it was still to too dark to see what was happening around Matt.

He was pushed into a police car, trying to look back as he saw all the commotion around the spot where he had just tried to help Matt. Paramedics were flocking around and he tried to catch a glimpse of Matt, but there was nothing he could do as the police car pulled out of the street.

His hands were shaking, so worried about Matt. If he was bleeding out, he should not be in the back of the police car, but there with the boy he loved so much.

‘’Can I not go to the hospital first, see how the rest of the crew is?’’

‘’The boy you hit got brought to the hospital as well, it is not looking good Kelly.’’ The policeman said, seemingly not happy having to take Kelly away in this moment.

‘’He threw fireworks at us! How is this fair?’’ Kelly said, the further they got away from the scene, knowing it meant he was further away from Matt.

‘’It isn’t Kelly, but if that kid dies you are going up for manslaughter. Multiple people saw you hit him and we can’t let you walk, as much as I would want to.’’ The officer explained.

Looking out of the window, he just hoped he would be back with Matt soon.

* * *

Herrmann was pushed back as two paramedics that had just arrived sunk on their knees by Matt.

‘’He has a big wound on his neck – it’s bleeding a lot – I don’t know what to do.’’ Cruz said panicking as he was still trying to stop the bleed. He was pressing against the side of Matts neck, Matt finding it harder and harder to keep his eyes open.

Herrmann came a bit closer, wanting to see if he could help.

In the dim light of the flashlight it was hard to see, but he did see the blood spilling through Cruz’s fingers. Not doubting for a second, he moved closer and put his hand over it as well. Worried he looked at Matt’s face, the left side covered with blood and burns.

‘’We need to get him to the hospital, his artery is damaged. He is bleeding out!’’

Cruz and Herrmann kept holding his neck as he was laid on a gurney and rushed into the ambulance. Only when he was loaded in the ambulance the light showed how grave his injuries were. The left side of his face was full of wounds and a gaping hole in his neck.

Holding their hands there they immediately started driving. Matt groaned, finding Herrmann’s hand that wasn’t on his neck and Herrmann took it, feeling matt squeeze.

‘’You are going to be fine.’’ Herrmann promised him, although he wasn’t so sure. A puddle of blood had formed under the gurney and the paramedic started to get more and more worried as she was cutting his top away.

Herrmann felt the burns on Matt’s hand as he was holding it. 

‘’Trauma team is ready to take him into surgery.’’ The paramedic driving told them and Herrmann knew that it couldn’t take too long anymore.

Matt’s hand slipped from his and Herrmann looked as Matt’s eyes started to fall shut.

‘’Come on, come on, just another minute, you are going to be fine.’’ Herrmann said worried as Matt seemed to be losing the battle. Every second he seemed to get paler and paler and Herrmann was not sure if he was going to hold on for much longer.

As soon as they were at Med, Matt was taken from the ambulance, Cruz and Herrmann were told to let go as the medical staff took over and within seconds Matt was brought away.

Standing in the waiting room, more and more of the crew were joining them. Stella and Mouch were brought to trauma bays as well, Boden pacing between them and the waiting room to give updates. Herrmann had Boden’s jacket on, having taken off the shirt that was covered in Matt’s blood.

‘’Mouch just has been taken to get stitches and the burns on his hands cleaned out. Stella will need surgery for her hand but she is fine otherwise. Trudy is on her way, so are Stella’s parents.’’ Boden came to report and it gave them a bit of comfort, knowing one of them still fighting for his life. Cruz came walking back from having a small burn on his face checked out.

‘’Nothing on Matt? Or Kelly?’’

‘’Not yet.’’

Matt had been in surgery for an hour when his family was called. Herrmann and Boden got up. Walking with the doctor, they were worried, as it didn’t seem it was going to be good news.

‘’How is he-‘’

‘’He is still in surgery.’’ The doctor said, still looking worried.

‘’Is he going to make it?’’

‘’You should probably call his family, it is not looking good. He lost a lot of blood and we have not been able to stabilize him. Besides that there is damage to his eye. We either need to fix it soon or he might lose vision in his eye. But we can only do that once he is stabilized.’’ The doctor admitted. Herrmann nodded just a bit, not sure what to do or say as Boden let out a deep, worried sigh.

‘’We uh – he doesn’t have a lot of family. Who is listed as his emergency contact?’’ Herrmann finally managed to ask, not sure what else to ask. They had no phone number of his sister and as far as they knew he didn’t have any other family.

‘’Hallie Thomas. We tried calling her but we weren’t able to reach her.’’

‘’She – she died. ‘’ Herrmann said.

‘’Anyway, I gotta get back to the operating room, I will try and update you as soon as possible.’’ The doctor said.

Although only Herrmann and Boden were talking to the doctor, everybody could see they were not getting the best news. Herrmann walked away to call Christie, only to return a few minutes later.

‘’Christie is away for the weekend with Violet. I didn’t tell them.’’ Herrmann said worried, not sure if he had done the right thing.

Trudy arrived and rushed to Mouch’s side. For a second Boden wanted to walk after her, ask her where Kelly was but knew it wasn’t the right time.

* * *

Sitting in the holding cell, Kelly was getting more and more nervous. Not only had he heard nothing about the kid he had hit, but he had also heard nothing about Matt.

The officer that had arrested him and he knew from Molly’s came to check on him.

‘’Do you have any update on how the firefighters are doing?’’

‘’Not yet.’’

‘’Can you call, ask how Matthew Casey is doing?’’

The officer nodded and Kelly yelled after him the next beer in Molly’s would be on him, so glad when the officer returned.

‘’He is still in surgery.’’ The police officer admitted. ‘’I will let you know if I hear anything.’’

Kelly let his head sink in his hands. The thought that he might lose Matt and he wasn’t even there with him 


	3. What a mess

Trudy had taken Mouch home and promised to check what was happening with Kelly. Boden nervously kept walking the halls, it seemed to take a long time. He walked down the hall, checking on Stella one more time although she seemed to be fine under the care of her parents.

He noticed Herrmann was down the hall, still trying to reach Matt’s mother. Although he knew they weren’t close, the warning about him possibly not pulling through being enough to reach out to Nancy Casey.

‘’Still nothing.’’ Herrmann said as he put his phone back in his pocket, still not having reached Nancy.

‘’This is bad. What if-‘’ Herrmann wanted to ask, but Boden interrupted him.

‘’He is going to be okay, we have to believe he is going to be okay.’’ Boden tried to calm him down and Herrmann nodded. Looking around, it was getting emptier in the emergency room as it was the middle of the night now. A cop passed by with a couple.

Suddenly the policeman that had just brought the couple over waved at Boden. Herrmann followed suit, too nervous to stand there alone.

‘’Do you know what is happening to Kelly Severide?’’ Boden asked concerned.

‘’Yeah, he is at our precinct. Those were the parents of the boy Kelly hit.’’ He nodded.

‘’How is he doing?’’ Boden asked, although his concern came more from his worry about Kelly than concern for the boys.

‘’The boy is currently also undergoing emergency surgery. He hit his head against the ground and it is not looking good.’’ The police officer said concerned.

‘’He hurt 3 of our own, possibly killed one.’’ Herrmann said upset.

‘’I know, but unfortunately there is nothing I can do.’’ The police officer shrugged and Boden could see that he meant it.

‘’How is Matthew Casey doing? Kelly Severide keeps asking about him.’’ The officer asked, and Herrmann was pretty sure he had seen him in Molly’s before.

‘’He is still in surgery, isn’t looking good either.’’ Herrmann said bitter.

‘’Shit. Alright, I better give Kelly Severide an update before he breaks out.’’ The policeman nodded.

* * *

Kelly wasn’t sure how late it was and how long he was in this cell. He didn’t care much about being the cell even. All he was scared about was about Matt. He was so scared to lose him, and even more so that he was not even there with him.

The last few months they had grown so close and he loved Matt so much. Knowing he was hurt, hurt him but it was even worse because he had no clue how Matt was doing. If something were to happen during the surgery, he couldn’t even be there for him.

He jumped up, the policeman that he had spoken with earlier walking towards the holding cell.

‘’I just got back from the hospital, Matthew is still in surgery.’’

He was so upset about knowing that Matt was not okay and that he couldn’t be there for him. He was so scared of losing him.

‘’I have to be honest with you, chief Boden said it is not looking good.’’

Sitting on the ground Kelly put his arm against his face as he started to sob.

‘’You oka-‘’

‘’No!’’ Kelly struggled to even talk as emotions overtook him. ‘’I shouldn’t be here.’’

‘’I know, I’m sorry Kelly.’’ 

‘’Matt may be dying and I am stuck here in a cell, I should be with him.’’ Kelly sobbed, not even minding anymore that they had tried to so much to hide their relationship from the world.

‘’I’m going to keep you updated, I’m really sorry Kelly.’’ The police officer telling him, Kelly not being able to stop crying.

* * *

About an hour later the doctor came walking towards them again, Herrmann and Boden jumping up to meet him.

‘’Is he okay?’’ Herrmann asked concerned.

‘’We just finished surgery on his neck. We managed to stabilize him but he lost a lot of blood, he will receive blood over the next few days.’’

Boden and Herrmann sighed relieved, so glad to hear that he had made it through the surgery.

‘’What about his eye?’’ Herrmann asked concerned.

‘’We cleaned out the gunpowder in his eye. His retina is damaged, but there was not much we could do about that now. Tomorrow a specialist will see him. It is too early to tell.’’

‘’Where is he now?’’

‘’He is in the recovery room. The anesthesia is wearing off, and he seems to react badly to it. Has any family arrived to be with him?’’ The doctor wondered, although he quickly got his answer as he saw the line of firefighters sitting in the waiting area.

‘’No, can we sit with him?’’ Herrmann asked concerned. ‘’We are not family but – but he shouldn’t be alone.’’

‘’I will let somebody come and tell you when you can see him in the ICU.’’ The doctor agreed, Boden sinking down in a seat with a relief sigh.

‘’What a mess.’’ Boden sighed, relief washing over him though as Matt had made it through the surgery.

‘’I am going to see how Kelly is doing, you stay with Matt.’’’ Boden told Herrmann and he nodded. He was the only one left in the waiting room. Otis, Cruz, they had all offered to stay, but as there was nothing they could do for Matt right now.

About an hour later, Herrmann was told by one of the nurses he could see Matt in the ICU. He wasn’t sure about going, not sure if Matt would want him there, but he was worried about Matt being alone when he was awake and aware.

A bit nervous Herrmann walked into the ICU room. Matt was on the bed, laying on his side. The blanket was draped over him, his neck wrapped in thick bandages, his hands as well and a large patch over his right eye. He was so pale Herrmann wasn’t even sure he had ever seen anybody like that before.

A nurse was standing by him, holding a basin under his mouth as bile dribbled out of his mouth.

‘’You’re alright, you’re alright.’’ She soothingly told him, her hand on his shoulder as he laid there. Herrmann wasn’t even fully sure if he was awake, although his left eye was slightly open.

‘’Alright there?’’ She asked as she spotted Herrmann.

‘’Yeah, I uh-‘’

‘’Come in.’’ She smiled warmly as she took the basin away, Herrmann slowly walking to the bed.

A bit unsure he grabbed and sitting down, he wasn’t sure what to do.

‘’Is he okay?’’ Herrmann asked concerned.

‘’Sick from the anesthesia. It should wear off soon, but we keeping a close eye on him. Need to be careful with the stitches on his throat and neck but we are making sure nothing happens. ’’ She assured him and he nodded.

‘’Can’t believe some kids did this as a prank.’’

‘’Me neither.’’ Herrmann said shaking his head, the nurse leaving him alone with Matt. He looked at the bag of blood on the IV pole, still receiving blood.

‘’Kelly?’’ He suddenly heard Matt whisper softly.

‘’Kelly is coming.’’ Herrmann said softly . ‘’It’s me, Christopher.’’

‘’Kel….’’Matt mumbled softly again, completely out of it as his hand seemed to be searching for Hermann’s. Putting two and two together, he carefully laid his hand Matt’s arm.

‘’I am right here.’’ He said softly, caressing his upper arm as Matt’s breathing seemed to ease. Suddenly he didn’t seem like the truck lieutenant and captain that had been leading him for years, but a broken boy, barely any more of a man than one of his own sons.


	4. Not Without Kelly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Thank you for reading my story. Unfortunately I am really busy at work these days and I don't have much time to answer all your reviews. I appreciate you so much though! Thank you!!! To clear things up about how long the story is going to be: It's currently aimed to be about 30 chapters, so don't worry about next chapters! :)

Groaning and whimpering, Matt struggled to open his eyes just a tiny bit. He felt so sick, and everything seemed to hurt. Groaning once more, he felt a hand against his shoulder as he was on his back.

He tried to open his eyes once more, his whole face hurting.

‘’Take it easy.’’ A voice beside him said. He wanted to turn around, greet Kelly, so glad that he was there, but as he finally managed to focus his eye he noticed it was Herrmann, not Kelly.

‘’Kel-‘’

‘’Kelly will be coming later Matt.’’ Christopher didn’t have the heart to tell him that Kelly was in police custody, not with the shape he was in.

Matt nodded just a bit, not sure if Herrmann knew about them dating. He couldn’t remember anything about last night, although he was pretty certain that Kelly had been here.

He lost all grip on the world again. When he woke up, he was laying on his back and still wasn’t able to focus his eyes. He heard somebody sitting beside him, but couldn’t turn his head to see who it was. Everything hurt, his head, his body and as much as he tried to remember anything, he wasn’t able to. Coughing just a bit, he entered a world of pain again as he heard shoes beside him, Boden quickly coming in his field of vision.

‘’I am calling the nurses Matt, calm down.’’ Boden said as he laid his hand on Matt’s shoulder. Soon he was turned on his side again as bile came up, in too much pain to move as it dribbled out of his mouth, Boden speaking softly to him.

As he was done, somebody wiped his mouth and the cold went away as somebody put a blanket over him again. Dozing off, he was still on his side as he woke up again, finally not feeling as sick.

He felt a large, rough hand on his arm that was close to his face, looking up he expected to finally see Kelly, but instead it was Herrmann again.

‘’Kel?’’ Matt asked, sad, barely able to get any sound out of himself.

‘’I know I am not Kelly, but I am here for you.’’ Herrmann said as he kept holding his arm, caressing it with his thumb. It felt foreign to do to a man not that close to him, but it felt even worse to let Casey struggle on his own. 

‘’Where – wheres Kelly?’’

‘’He will be here later.’’ Was all Herrmann said. Honestly, nobody had a clue how long the police would keep Kelly in custody, he couldn’t imagine it would be much longer, but to be honest, he also had no clue.

* * *

Waking up again, he was on his back again. It took a while to focus his eyes, only to realize that it was just his left eye. Freaking out, he brought up his hand, only to be stopped.

Looking aside, he hoped to finally see Kelly, but it was Herrmann once more, one arm around Cindy as she was sleeping against him.

‘’It’s okay.’’ He said softly, laying his hand on Matt’s upper arm.

‘’When…Kelly?’’

‘’Might be a bit longer kid.’’ Herrmann said with a sad smile. ‘’We will be here till he is, promise. Not letting you alone through this.’’

Matt wanted to thank him, but he wasn’t able to, pain washing over him.

‘’You remember anything from the incident?’’ Herrmann asked concerned, not sure if Casey remembered anything from the rough past 24 hours.

‘’No.’’ Matt said softly, his throat hurting. He wasn’t sure if it had something to do with what happened or the throwing up he did remember.

Suddenly Matt’s stomach seemed to turn, not because he had to throw up again but he was worried Kelly was hurt just like him, that was why he couldn’t be here. In distress, he tried to sit up, look around to look for any clues of where Kelly was.

‘’Hey – hey. Lay back.’’ Christopher said worried as he laid his arm on Matt’s shoulder.

Not that Matt could do much more, within a second he was back on the pillow, panting. Hermann got up to get him some water as Cindy was awake now and moved a bit closer.

‘’Kelly is in police custody, he is safe. He just…we just have to wait for a bit to hear what the police says. I am sure they will let him go soon.’’ Cindy said, feeling bad telling him what her husband couldn’t say. 

Matt was quiet, letting the words sink in.

‘’Do you have a spare key somewhere near your house? I will go and get some clothes for you, check up on Kelly.’’ She offered him. ‘’Don’t think much of Chris will fit you. Maybe Lee Henry-‘’

‘’Kelly has – Kelly has it.’’ Matt managed to mumble. ‘’Lee Henry – bigger than Chris?’’

‘’Yeah, yeah much taller.’’ Cindy smiled. ‘’But I will go to the police station, check up on Kelly and get that key.’’

Matt was too tired to thank her and before Herrmann was even back in the room with the water he was back asleep.

Waking up again, he noticed he wasn’t only dressed in the hospital gown, which laid open as his chest was filled with electric pads and a large port, as well as dressings. But he was also wearing some black joggers and socks.

‘’You still here.’’ He said with a small smile as the Herrmann’s were still by his bedside. He wanted to feel bad about it, not wanting to be this vulnerable in front of people. But it was nice not to be alone now that everything was so confusing.

‘’Yeah.’’ Herrmann said with a smile. ‘’Not leaving you until Kelly is here.’’

‘’Against the rules.’’ Matt pointed out, still felt tired to say much more.

‘’We told the nurse we are your parents. I don’t think she bought it but I also think they can’t be bothered to throw us out.’’ Cindy said, Matt having to smile as he both thought it was so sweet of them and he didn’t want to be alone.

‘’Lee Henry is much taller huh.’’ Matt mumbled as he looked at the black joggers, Christopher looked a bit confused as Cindy let out a soft chuckle. She got up to get some more water.

‘’How long..?’’ Matt wanted to complete the question, but black spots started to dance in front of his eye.

‘’Almost 24 hours, you have been through the worst of it.’’ Herrmann assured him.

‘’Has – has Cindy seen Kelly?’’ Matt mumbling, fighting against the tiredness that was hitting him like a tidal wave.

‘’No, she couldn’t see him. Boden is there though, I am sure you will be the first to know when I hear something.’’ Herrmann promised. ‘’You need to have surgery again in a few hours. Time will go in a flash then, Kelly will be here before you know it.’’

‘’No, not without Kelly.’’ Matt mumbled, fear washing over him.

‘’You need it-‘’ Cindy wanted to comfort him as she came walking back with a cup and straw.

‘’Not without Kelly here.’’ Matt stated again, not sure if he was being realistic, or even sane. But the thought of having to go through surgery again and the sickness after without Kelly frightened him again. Before Herrmann could coerce him into getting the surgery, Matt lost the fight against the tiredness, falling back into the deep void that washed over him.


	5. Surgery

It was later in the evening as Matt finally regained some clarity of mind again. The Herrmanns had just left to have dinner with their kids, promising they would be back soon. To be honest, Matt didn’t mind being alone for a bit. Ever since his parents divorce and the subsequent fallout, he felt he had been alone, and it felt unnatural having people looking after him.

Only now he noticed the nurse sitting by his bedside, tending to his hands.

‘’Just getting you some clean bandages.’’ She smiled as she worked on his hands.

‘’What is…’’

‘’Your left hand has some second degree burns. Your right hand is in worse shape, but you are going to heal.’’ She promised him.

There were some stitches and gnarly burns in the palm of his right hand.

‘’I don’t remember anything happening to my hands.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’Tried to hold your hands in front of your face probably. The burns were cleaned out and there is no lasting damage. Might leave some scars though. ’’ She warned him as she gently placed new bandages around his hand.

‘’Figure this whole ordeal might leave a few.’’ Matt said softly. Although he hadn’t seen his neck or even the right side of his face, he could only figure that it was going to leave some scars.

‘’If you didn’t hold your hands up I am not sure what would have happened.’’ She admitted.

Matt nodded just a bit, it wasn’t the first time these hours he had barely made it.

‘’Well, once there is more clarity about your eye after the surgery, I am sure you can see plastic surgeon-‘’

‘’I am not bothered by scars.’’ Matt said softly, the thought of another surgery frightened him. The last thing he wanted was to feel as sick and helpless again as he had. The more clarity in his head, the more he remembered and the thought of Boden and Herrmann holding him as he was throwing his guts up and crying mortified him.

Soon he was finally really alone, which only made him miss Kelly even more. 

* * *

Opening his eye as he woke up after a nap, he noticed Boden was sitting with him. He tried not to disappointed Kelly was still not here, but hoped he could finally get an update.

‘’How are you feeling.’’

‘’Not bad.’’ Matt lied. He felt like shit. His whole body hurt, especially his neck and face and his throat was sore from throwing up. Besides that, he felt so weak, so tired from the blood loss.

But at least he could pretend he was fine.

‘’Where is Kelly?’’ He followed up before Boden could get another word in.

‘’Still in custody.’’

Matt wasn’t sure what Kelly he had done, but he also couldn’t remember if he had asked it and forgotten or if he didn’t know. The last thing he wanted was to make a fool of himself asking again, so instead he looked at the get well soon card near his hand. He couldn’t pick it up with the thick wrappings around his hands, so Boden held it up for him instead.

‘’’From the crew. Stella signed it as well, she went home this morning.’’

Matt smiled, although it hurt all the names from their shift were on it besides Kelly.

‘’Most of the crew were here this morning. Herrmann riled them up to come and donate blood…considering…you know..’’

‘’Considering I cost the hospital half of their supply…yeah.’’ Matt said softly, his eye trailing to the bag of blood on the pole next to his bed.

‘’Otis, Cruz, Herrmann, Capp and Tony, they were all here.’’ Boden tried to keep Matt’s mind of his injuries.

‘’Guess we know whose blood it is when I suddenly start liking Star Wars.’’ Matt said with a small smile.

‘’I think it is actually Star Trek he is really into.’’ Boden wondered.

‘’I don’t know the difference.’’ Matt admitted and Boden had a little chuckle. 

‘’Matt-‘’

‘’I know you are here to talk me into the surgery.’’ Matt interrupted him.

‘’Yeah – Look Matt, the boy isn’t doing great and I don’t know how soon Kelly is going to be released. I get that you want your friend here –‘’

‘’We are dating.’’ Matt blurted out.

‘’I figured as much.’’ Boden said with a small smile, trying to put Matt’s worried at ease.

‘’You are okay with that?’’

‘’I am here as your friend, not as your chief. Anything work related we can talk about later. For now I am just really happy for you – you both.’’

Matt smiled, so glad they now longer had to hide it.

‘’I am really scared.’’ Matt admitted. ‘’Scared I react badly to the anesthesia again…and Kelly won’t be here. What if something happens and he isn’t here.’’

‘’You are going to be fine, but you need to have the surgery soon.’’ Boden said worried. ‘’Your eye is damaged and the longer they wait, the more worried they are your retina is getting more and more damaged. There is some residue in the eye as well that need to be cleaned out. You need it Matt, or you might lose your eye if the residue stays.’’

‘’Can’t be a firefighter with one eye.’’ Matt mumbled, knowing that he should have the surgery, but his heard was telling otherwise with Kelly not here.

‘’They can’t guarantee your eye is going to be all fine, but if without the surgery it’s a matter of time before the resi-‘’

‘’I got it.’’ Matt bit his lip.

‘’kelly would want you to have the surgery. I know I keep saying it but he is going to be here soon, but he will.’’

Matt knew Boden was right, and he had to have the surgery. As upsetting as it was, he had to do this.

‘’Okay.’’ Matt finally agreed.

* * *

Soon he was prepped for the surgery, Boden sitting by his side. He felt vulnerable in the hospital gown with his boss beside him, but honestly he was also glad he wasn’t alone.

Boden was equally not sure what to say. He didn’t want to make Matt uncomfortable, or even bring up Kelly. He wanted to tell Matt about the fact they might release Kelly in a few hours, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up in case something was going to happen.

He knew Kelly could be released very soon, Orlovsky was there to pick him up and he tried to have hope that Kelly would be here before Matt would be taken away for surgery. But ten minutes later it was time and

‘’It’s going to be fine, right?’’ Matt asked, worries and fear washing over him and for the first time, he didn’t even feel embarrassed showing it.

‘’Yeah, you’re going to be fine.’’ Boden assured him again.

Just as Matt was taken away, Kelly came running into the room, followed closely a huffing and puffing chaplain Orlovsky.

‘’Am I still in time to see him?’’ Kelly asked as he came running into the room, barely breaking up a sweat as he was hyped on adrenaline as Orlovsky nearly fainted into a chair, out of breath.

‘’They just took him for surgery, Kelly.’’ Boden said.

Before they could say anything else, Kelly started to run down the hall.

As he almost barged through the doors to the surgical wing, he was stopped by a nurse.

‘’I need to see Matt Casey, please.’’ Kelly wanted to brush past her.

‘’He has been taken into surgery already – sorry.’’ She told him, wanting to close the door again.

‘’I need to see him, please. Please.’’ Kelly bargained, his voice breaking during the last please.

‘’He is already in surgery, it won’t be long.’’ She assured him.

Distraught, Kelly nodded, sitting down on one of the chairs in the waiting room.


	6. I'm right here

Waking up again, he felt just a lousy as after the first surgery. A wave of nausea washed over him and there was nothing he could do as he felt bile coming up again.

He wanted to stop, but there was nothing he could do. He knew he should have done the surgery and he was glad he did, but feeling like this again he hoped Herrmann and Boden were not here again to see him on such a low point.

He felt being turned on his back again. Trying to open his eyes, he felt so tired and sore.

‘’You are okay, you are going to be okay.’’ He heard somebody tell him, the voice he had longed for for days now.

‘’Kel?’’ Matt mumbled as he hoped he wasn’t dreaming this time.

‘’Yeah, yeah it’s me.’’ He was assured by Kelly, feeling a soft peck on his forehead. He wanted to say so much, wanted to see Kelly, but he couldn’t find the energy and power to do so before he fell back into a deep slumber.

Opening his eye again, he felt somebody was still holding his arm lower arm, a firm hand around it.

‘’Kel?’’

‘’Yeah, I am right here.’’

For the first time in what felt like an eternity he locked eyes with Kelly again.

‘’I am right here and I am not going anywhere.’’ Kelly assured him before he could say anything.

Falling back into a slumber, Kelly was squeezing his hand and Matt felt safe for the first time in almost three days.

* * *

As Kelly came walking in after driving home for a quick shower – he felt disgusting after three days of not showering – Matt was still knocked out by the painkillers and the effects from the surgery. A nurse was changing the dressings around his neck and Kelly carefully approached, a bit shocked as he saw the damage the firecracker had done. There was large surgical scar around the side of his neck, a part of tissue even missing, forming a dent.

The nurse saw him looked shocked as she looked up.

‘’It looks rough…but he is going to be okay.’’ She told Kelly, seemingly worried since he looked so upset.

‘’I know, I know.’’ Kelly said. he just felt so bad to see Matt like this. There was so much that he had gone through and he had not even been here to help him.

Soon he was left alone with Matt again. After the rough night after his surgery he had been given more painkillers and a sedative so he was too sure if Matt was going to be clear or awake today.

He stayed by his side all day though, he couldn’t leave Matt alone again. He didn’t even want to be alone himself, not knowing what was going to happen to him legally.

Matt only woke up once during the evening, only awake for a few minutes. He wanted to talk, but couldn’t find the power to do so. For a minute, he just felt Kelly caress his arm, and that was enough for him right now.

The next day he finally felt some more clarity again. Opening his eye and groaning, Kelly immediately rushed to his side.

‘’Are you okay – how are you feeling?’’ Kelly asked concerned. He hadn’t much from Matt side, only to

‘’Yeah, I am good.’’ Matt said softly, his voice breaking.

‘’Take it easy.’’ Kelly told him as he saw Matt’s struggle even saying the few words.

‘’Where were you?’’ Matt said, his voice rough as though there were glass shards in his throat.

‘’Got arrested, punched the kid that threw the firework at you.’’

‘’I hope you got him good.’’ Matt smiled just a bit.

‘’It’s not nothing Matt, I might go to prison.’’ Kelly admitted and Matt’s smile sunk of his face.

‘’Wha-‘’

‘’The kid is in bad shape. I hit him so hard Matt.’’ Kelly said as his eyes filled with tears. ‘’he pulled through but he might have brain damage, his parents might press charges…and the police-‘’ He wanted to keep talking but saw Matt had stopped listening, too much information to process in the haze of painkillers and blood loss.

‘’Boden paid for my bail. Got suspended. CFD got my back though – but how are you feeling.’’ Kelly said as he tried to keep it light for now, not knowing what was going to come. Matt just shook his head, too tired to talk.

‘’Go back to sleep, you need to heal.’’ Kelly told him, seeing Matt struggle to keep his eyes open.

* * *

Matt wasn’t sure how late it was when he woke up again. It felt like he had slept for an eternity.

The hallways were dark, not as much staff bustling about and he was pretty sure it was night, and he had slept through another day.

Hearing the snoring beside him, he look surprised.

Kelly was sitting on a chair beside his bed, asleep. His head was resting on his arm and for a second Matt was worried he was going to topple over.

‘’Kel.’’ Matt finally managed to mumble, worried Kelly was going to fall over, but instead he opened his eyes.

‘’Hey, how are you feeling?’’ Kelly asked concerned as he sat up, yawning.

‘’A bit better I guess.’’ Matt said as Kelly switched on the light over the bed. Kelly offered him some water, which he declined as it had hurt to drink earlier, his throat still hurting. 

‘’No pain?’’

‘’Not much.’’ Matt admitted as he felt decent for the first time in days.

‘’You should probably drink a bit of water.’’ Kelly said concerned, holding it out again.

‘’Still hurts.’’ Matt wanted to push the cup aside, but he couldn’t find the power to move his arms.

‘’When can I go home?’’ Matt asked, not wanting to spend more time here.

‘’Doctor hasn’t said. You are still in the ICU….will probably at least be a few more days.’’ Kelly tried to let him down slowly.

‘’I feel f-‘’

‘’You can’t even a drink a sip of water.’’ Kelly confronted him with reality.

‘’I guess you are right about staying.’’ Matt said softly, Kelly leaving the water be and sitting down beside him again.

‘’Are you…are you going to be okay with the scars?’’ Matt suddenly asked.

‘’Yeah.’’ Kelly said, taking aback by Matt’s insecurity.

‘’What if I lose my eye?’’ Matt asked worried.

‘’Matt, nothing is going to change how I feel about you.’’ Kelly assured him once more.

Matt just looked down, still seeming unsure.

‘’Matt, nothing is going to change me being with you. I am just so grateful to still have you. I don’t care about the scars, and if something happens to your eye we work it out. Please believe me.’’

‘’Okay.’’ Matt agreed, but Kelly could hear he didn’t mean it, and he was still unsure about Kelly staying with him.

‘’You don’t sound sure.’’

‘’We were just dating… I can’t believe you would stick it out with me.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’You better believe it, cause I am not going anywhere.’’ Kelly promised him again. ‘’In a few days I am taking you home to your house and I am not going anywhere.’’

Matt wanted to object, not wanting anybody to look after him, but after spending days with Boden and the Herrmann’s looking after him, Kelly was a welcome caregiver.

He wanted to keep talking, but tiredness washed over him again. As much as he wanted to stay awake and talk to Kelly, he wasn’t able to keep his eye open much longer.


	7. Soup and Mashed Potatoes

A day later Matt was finally moved from the ICU to general care. Kelly was glad he could be with him a bit more easily now, as he felt he had been in the way a lot while Matt had been in the ICU. He had been very clingy, his head blurry from the painkillers and Kelly had been around as much as possible, barely letting go of his hand the whole day.

It was odd, as Matt had never been clingy or even affectionate. But he was feeling so lousy only Kelly seemed to give him any comfort.

Matt was awake as lunch arrived, Kelly looking at the news on the TV. It was just a bowl of soup and a bowl of yoghurt and the nurse told Matt again not to overdo it. Matt seemed to ignore that mostly, too determined to get better, even with the sore wounds on this throat. Kelly helped Matt sit up a bit, not sure how he was going to tackle the soup as his hands were still wrapped in bandages, but before Kelly could over to help him, Matt grabbed the bowl with his hands and brought it to his mouth.

‘’Want me to help you?’’

‘’No.’’ Matt said, his hands shaking as he brought the bowl to his mouth, his hands shaking. Kelly was pretty sure it was because of the weight of the bowl was hurting his burned hands. But he knew if he said something about Matt would just blow him off.

‘’Ouch.’’ Matt putt the bowl down again, his throat and neck hurting so bad Kelly wanted to beg him to stop eating as it hurt him so much. The stitches in his throat were pulling as he drank and the wounds were far from healed.

‘’Stop hurting yourself, the doctor said to try, not to hurt yourself.’’

‘’If I eat I get to go home sooner.’’ Matt argued.

‘’I don’t think it works like that Matt. The doctors aren’t letting you go before it is safe to go home.’’ Kelly caressed his hand. Soon the nurse arrived to hook him up to more fluids and nutrition. Asking from something to sedate him, Matt was asleep soon again. Kelly caressed his hand, sitting close to him. He was a bit worried seeing how clingy Matt had been during the night, at one point even begging Kelly not to get up to go to the bathroom but stay with him.

To be truthful, he did enjoy Matt being so affectionate, but it worried him, as it was exactly the opposite of how he was usually.

He didn’t have long to ponder on it though, as Boden came to visit.

‘’Hey.’’ Boden said softly, not wanting to disturb Matt as he walked in. Kelly wanted to get up to give his chair to Boden but Boden waved for him to sit down again.

‘’Still sleeping a lot?’’ Boden asked, nudging his head towards Matt.

‘’He was awake earlier but got some painkillers because eating hurts – even just a bit of soup.’’

Boden nodded understanding, sitting down as he pulled one of the chairs closer.

‘’How is his eye?’’

‘’The corneal transplant seems to be taking well. Doctors say it may be weeks before it is sure his eye is okay.’’ Kelly summed up what he had been told over the past 48 hours he had barely been from Matt’s side.

‘’How are you holding up Kelly?’’

‘’I am fine.’’ Kelly lied, but Boden pricked right through his façade and lifted an eyebrow.

‘’I can’t sleep.’’ Kelly admitted. ‘’ I can’t sleep worrying about the kid that I hit – doctor said he is doing better than expected- but I might go to jail…and look at Matt…’’

Boden wasn’t sure what to say, feeling bad as he saw how bad Kelly was struggling as well.

‘’What if I go to jail?’’

‘’You are not going to jail.’’ Boden assured him.

‘’What is going to happen?’’ Kelly asked unsure, feeling bad showing his weakness in front of his chief, but the sleep deprivation and worries about Matt were catching up to him.

‘’We are going to press charges for damages, but Mouch and Stella might press personal charges too. Matt should too. The parents might drop the charges then.’’

‘’I still have to speak to my lawyer…just been busy with Matt. I am scared to be honest.’’ Kelly admitted, his thumbs nervously twiddling his thumbs.

‘’It is going to be sorted out Kelly. No judge is going to send you to prison, especially not a personal lawsuit.’’

‘’Can we keep the court business out of this hospital room?’’ Matt finally spoke and Kelly and Boden looked a bit surprised, not having realized he had been listening to them.

‘’Yeah, yeah ofcourse. Can I get you anything?’’ Kelly asked.

Matt just shook his head, Kelly caressing over his head, not even minding Boden was there.

‘’How are you feeling.’’

‘’Good.’’ Matt answered, although Kelly knew also Boden knew that was a lie. The rest of the visit was short-lived, Matt being short in his answers, and soon falling asleep again.

* * *

After dinner – Matt had barely been able to eat more than two bites of mashed potato before he had to give up again from – Kelly sat close to him, his arm around Matt was Matt was dozing off again, Kelly watching a show with the sound off not to disturb Matt.

Getting up, he wanted to grab some water. On the hallway, he waited for his bottle to fall down from the vending machine as he noticed the parents of the boy walking down the hall. They didn’t see him, but it gave Kelly peace of mind that he was no longer in the ICU. Slowly, carefully he followed him towards the room, walking by before they would spot him.

The boy was sitting up in bed, eating from the tray as his parents sat down with him.

It gave Kelly some relief ,it meant that the boy was alive, and he was doing much better even than Matt. He had a smile on his face as he walked back to Matt. He knew that it didn’t change everything but at least he had some trust about how this was going to happen now.

He wiped the smile of his face then, not wanting to have to tell Matt about the boy after he seemed to Be upset about him and Boden talking about jail and the court case earlier.

As he returned to the room, Matt was watching the TV as well, looking at Kelly as he walked in.

‘’Hard to look at the tv without any depth.’’ Matt said softly, Kelly wanting to switch the TV off.

‘’What is on your mind?’’ Kelly asked concerned, Matt had seemed off all day. Not just with being clingy and overdoing it to go home, but just overall.

‘’What if I do lose my eye?’’

‘’Can always go as a pirate for Halloween then next year.’’

Matt didn’t laugh or smile, instead he looked back at the TV.

‘’Sorry.’’

‘’No, I am just not in the mood for jokes.’’ Matt mumbled.

‘’The transplant took well Matt, you need to keep hope. Doctor Waters said he wouldn’t have done the corneal transplant if he didn’t think it would work. Just a lot of damage to your eye from the gunpowder-‘’

‘’Yeah.’’ Matt just mumbled, not wanting to talk about his eye any longer, too nervous about it. Kelly wanted to take his hand, but instead Matt pulled his hand away. How clingy he had been yesterday and last night all seemed to be gone now.

‘’What can I do to help you Matt?’’ Kelly finally asked, not sure what to do with Matt anymore. He didn’t want to upset him but he also wasn’t sure what he could do to make it right for him.

‘’I don’t know.’’ Matt admitted, his voice breaking. Kelly noticed the tear in his eye and laid his arm around him, carefully pulling Matt against him as he sat on the edge of the bed. Caressing over his back and kissing him on top of his head, he hoped everything would seem a lot clearer soon.


	8. Goodnight

Nine days after the incident during the call Matt was allowed to go home. Kelly held him closely as they walked to the car, as he was still weak after losing as much blood as he had, even with the blood transfusions. Kelly was grabbing his stuff together as Matt was sitting on the bed, fiddling with the discharge papers in his hand.

‘’Think I got everything.’’ Kelly said, walking to the bed to help Matt on his feet. It was not that he was still too unwell to walk, but Kelly was worried he would hurt himself or fall, not being able to see any depth because of the patch over his eye.

‘’If not I am back here in two days anyway.’’ Matt sighed, not looking forward to the check up with his surgeon and later this week with an ophthalmologist.

‘’Part of the process Matt.’’ Kelly said, a bit upset with how down he was, even when he got to go home today. Taking Matt’s arm he gently helped onto his foot and the wheelchair, Matt’s face even more sulky.

‘’I am walking from the door to the car.’’ Matt said a bit upset.

‘’I can just get the car and drive it in front of the door here.’’

‘’No. I can walk.’’

Kelly knew there was no point arguing. Even though he got to go home Matt was in a bad mood and Kelly was not sure what it was. Pushing the wheelchair to the exit, he tried to persuade Matt to wait again as he got the car, but Matt wasn’t changing his mind.

Finally he gave in, helping Matt up as he walked with him over the parking lot.

‘’Take it easy.’’ Kelly said concerned, cursing Matt that had not taken him up on his offer to wait at the entrance as Kelly would get the car.

He could just grab Matt as he almost fell.

‘’It’s hard not seeing any depth.’’ Matt said as he struggled getting over the small curb he had almost fallen over. Soon they finally made it to the car, Kelly quickly opening the door for him and Matt slumped down. Driving home, Matt was quiet, the walk from the exit to the car having taken a toll on him.

But he was glad to be home, taking a nap on the couch as Kelly sat down with all the medication and his discharge papers.

Sitting by the kitchen table, he read the discharge papers and carefully read and remembered all the instructions. Matt had gotten a lot of painkillers, antibiotics and eye drops. Kelly knew that Matt wasn’t going to be one the following the instructions, so he better do it.

He looked at Matt, laying asleep on the couch. He was still a bit pale, but hearing from Herrmann how pale he had been he was slightly glad he had not seen it.

Having dinner together, Matt sat down on the couch for the drops in his eye, not looking forward to it. Carefully Kelly took the adhesive patch over his eye off, careful with the burns on his face. They were healing slowly, but Kelly didn’t care if they would scar or not. He loved Matt all the same.

‘’Feel okay?’’ Kelly asked concerned, looking at his eye, following the instructions from the doctor.

‘’It hurts really bad.’’ Matt admitted, his other eye tearing up as Kelly inspected his eye. It looked bloody still, the laceration far from healed and it still infected from the powder that had gotten in his eye, but at least the corneal transplant had taken well.

Putting the solution in, His eye was soon covered with a clean patch again as Matt laid back.

‘’I guess I am lucky to still have the eye.’’ Matt tried not get upset.

‘’It will get better, just like your hands and neck.’’ Kelly promised him.

‘’Kelly, I am not sure if anything is going to get better. Not with the way I have been feeling.’’ Matt admitted.

Kelly just took his hand, squeezing it as he was not sure what to say to Matt’s comment.

‘’You don’t have to stay the night, I will be okay.’’ Matt told him, looking at the clock.

‘’I am staying. If you want me to sleep on the couch I can.’’ Kelly offered. The last thing he wanted was to leave Matt alone, given he was still not in the best shape.

‘’You can sleep in the bed with me.’’ Matt sighed, knowing Kelly was not going to leave his side. Deep down inside he was also grateful to have somebody with him.

Soon he laid in bed, tired from the day. Even though he had not done much, the blood loss caused him to be so tired that he was not even sure he would ever feel okay again. Laying down in bed, Kelly had not even switched the TV on as Matt fell asleep.

Kelly laid in the bed, his arm around Matt was he watching the TV on a low volume. He knew he could probably switch on the loudest he wanted, nothing would wake Casey at this point. Carefully he let Matt go from his arm, really wanting to grab some water as he hadn’t moved for almost an hour.

Matt remained asleep as Kelly gently laid him down, pulling the blanket over him as he left the bedroom, tiptoeing to the kitchen. Even though it wasn’t his house, he could easily find his way around Matt’s condo.

He was going to call it a night too soon, tired after the long day.

Grabbing the water, he looked at the medication on the counter, going through the mental checklist of Matt took them all. Deep in thoughts, it took ten seconds at least before he heard the crying from the bedroom.

Dropping the glass from his hand, he rushed back to the bedroom, finding Matt curled up on the bed, his hands covering his ears as he was sobbing.

He wanted to ask what was wrong, but as he heard the gunshots from the TV a shiver went down his spine, remembering him of the fireworks that night. 

‘’Make it stop.’’ Matt said sobbing as he covered his ears.

‘’It was just the show I was watching.’’ Kelly said as he switched the tv off, ‘’see, it’s gone.’’

Matt didn’t calm down though, sobbing as he laid curled up. For a second Kelly thought of calling an ambulance, but then he slid into the bed, laying against the Matt and wrapping his arms around him. Only as he held Matt tight, cradling him in his arms he finally seemed to calm down. His fast breaths seemed to calm, just a bit more time between them until Matt pulled himself from Kelly’s arms, stumbling to the bathroom.

‘’Matt?’’ Kelly got up, walking to the bathroom, knocking on the door. There was no response.

‘’I will break this door down if I have to.’’ Kelly said concerned, Matt not answering for a minute. Finally the door was opened and Matt clumsily pushed past him.

‘’It’s nothing.’’ Matt just said as he slid back into bed, not wanting to say anything else.

‘’Matt, it is okay not to be okay.’’ Kelly told him, concerned. ‘’We can talk to your doctor, get you help-‘’

‘’I am fine.’’ Matt said monotone, laying down on his side, turning away from Kelly.

‘’Matt-‘’

‘’Goodnight.’’


	9. Okay

The first two days with Matt at home weren’t easy.

Kelly had tried to get through to him, but Matt refused to talk about it any further. He sat on the edge of the bed as Matt was getting showered. He had a checkup with his surgeon to make sure the wounds on his neck was healing well.

Kelly was packing some of the papers he needed to take as Matt was still in the shower.

A bit concerned as it was taking very long, he walked into the bathroom, Matt standing against the shower wall, pale and heaving heavily.

‘’Matt?’’

‘’Just a bit dizzy.’’ Matt said, but Kelly quickly turned the shower off and grabbed Matt before he could fall.

‘’I am alright.’’ Matt said, although Kelly knew he was just saying that because Kelly knew that was what he wanted to hear.

Holding arm though, he took Matt with him, sitting him down on the bed as he grabbed a towel to dry him off. 

‘’The hot water just made me a bit woozy.’’ Matt said, wanting to object as Kelly grabbed the towel closest by.

‘’Matt, you lost over half of the blood in your body, you went into shock, it is okay for your body not to be fully okay yet.’’ Kelly assured him once again, drying of his back. Matt didn’t say anything, knowing that he could object to Kelly drying him off and helping him get dressed, but even if he would object, Kelly would do so anyway.

Driving to the hospital for a checkup Matt had with his surgeon, Kelly had a hard time keeping his mind on driving. With everything going on, it was hard to keep his mind with things that seemed simple.

At the hospital, they were lead to an office, Matt told he could lay down on the examination table.

He held Matt’s arm as he sat down on the examination table.

‘’I am fine Kel-‘’ Matt said a bit upset.

‘’You almost fainted in the shower this morning.’’ Kelly said concerned.

Laying down on the examination table, the doctor soon joined them, checking his vitals and taking the large patch of his neck.

‘’The surgical scar is looking good. Does it still cause a lot of pain?’’ The doctor said after inspecting the large scar on the side of his neck.

‘’No.’’ Matt said, Kelly rolling his eyes.

‘’It does hurt and he still has trouble chewing.’’ Kelly told the doctor. If Casey wasn’t going to be honest, he had to be. Matt shot him a glare, trying to shrug it off.

‘’It’s fine, just a bit sore.’’

‘’Matt, I need you to be honest with me about these things. We tried our best during the emergency surgery, but there might be damage to the nerves and muscles we didn’t see initially. There was a lot of damage, and even if it is something serious we will try our best to fix it.’’ The doctor told Matt, Kelly was glad somebody was finally telling Casey not to shrug it off.

‘’It is really just a bit sore.’’ Matt said as the doctor inspected the side of his neck once again.

‘’Can you clench your jaw for me?’’ The doctor asked as he sat Matt up, carefully touching his jaw.

‘’You are only clenching it on one side.’’ The doctor pointed out.

‘’Does that mean there is lasting damage?’’ Kelly asked worried.

‘’No way to tell, the muscles might still be healing. I will get you an appointment with a physical therapist Matt, I know he has a lot of experience with these kinds of injuries. If not, we will have to see what the damage is to the muscles and how we can fix it.’’

‘’Okay.’’ Matt just said, clearly not happy with that.

As they got up after setting up another appointment, another recipe for painkillers and some more routine checks, Matt wanted to leave the office, the doctor stopping him.

‘’Matt, I really need you to be honest about these things.’’

‘’Okay.’’

Kelly walked beside Matt, nervous. He hadn’t said anything since he had told on him in the office but he knew Matt would not be amused. Only when they were at the car, Matt broke his silence.

‘’Thanks for throwing me under the bus in there.’’

‘’Matt, ignoring the problems isn’t going to fix them.’’ Kelly said concerned, not wanting Matt to be angry with him.

‘’It wasn’t a problem for me. I could just chew with the other side.’’

‘’Matt, I am not doing these things to make thing worse for you, I am doing it because I need you to get better, because I need you to be okay, over everything else.’’ Kelly said with tears in his eyes.

‘’I am sorry, I’ll do better.’’ Matt said, fumbling with his hands. Leaning over the mid console of the car, they held each other for a bit, knowing that although things weren’t easy, they had each other.

* * *

The next few days went by without much trouble, Matt even going to an appointment with the physical therapist without making it too much of a problem.

The crew had invited them to come for dinner by Molly’s. Stella and Mouch would come as well for the first time since the incident 2,5 weeks ago.

Matt didn’t want to come though, as much Kelly tried to persuade him.

‘’I will drive.’’

‘’it is not like I can drive right now.’’ Matt held up his hands and pointed at his eye.

‘’I know, but still…I figured it might be nice.’’

‘’I don’t want to.’’ Matt just said, not providing him with any more explanation.

Before Kelly could say anything else, Matt got up and walked to his bedroom. Frustrated, Kelly started to make dinner, at least hoping he would get Matt to eat something. He was quickly losing weight now, and Kelly was concerned.

Finishing the pasta, he called for Matt. Not getting an answer, he walked to the bathroom, slowly opening the door.

‘’Matt?’’

There was still no answer and he slowly walked on to the ensuite, knocking on the door.

‘’Matt I don’t care if you are naked, I am coming in.’’ He announced, worried. Casey was sitting on the edge of the bath, staring in the mirror. Kelly didn’t say anything as he looked at Matt tracing some of the barely healed wounds near the patch over his eye, down to the large scar on his neck.

‘’They say if I would’ve arrived at the hospital half a minute later I probably would’ve bled out. Maybe even seconds.’’ Matt mumbled softly.

‘’Yeah-‘’ Kelly knelt down by him.

‘’Some kids that thought it was prank nearly killed me and now they might still take you from me.’’ Matt’s lip started to shake. ‘’I can’t sit with the firehouse and pretend I am okay, because I am not okay.’’

‘’Nobody is going to take me away from you Matt. I know we will have to see what the future brings, but you have to believe everything is going to be okay.’’ Kelly said as he sat down the edge of the tub as well, his arm around Matt.

‘’You can go to Molly’s if you want. ‘’ Matt said softly after nearly a minute of silence.

‘’I am not going anywhere that is not with you.’’ Kelly promised him. 

Soon, Matt was already sitting outside in the small backyard that came with his condo. It was nice out and Kelly figured that the fresh air might do him some good. He put the dinner he had made on the table, Matt smiling appreciative.

Just as they sat down to eat, the doorbell rang.

‘’I’ll go.’’ Kelly said before Matt could get up, walking to the door. Matt wanted to object, as not everybody knew about the state of their relationship but knew it didn’t really matter, and Kelly could just be visiting if that was what he wanted to tell.

Looking as Kelly came walking back with Boden, Matt felt a bit self-conscious sitting in a t-shirt and sweatpants.

‘’Hey Matt, came to see how you are doing.’’ Boden greeted him, sitting down on the empty chair beside Matt, as Kelly went to grab some water.

‘’Hanging on, Kelly is really good for me.’’ Matt smiled. He didn’t want to talk about his psychological problems, or the problems with his eye and the uncertainty his jaw. Or the pain, the fact he couldn’t sleep and he constantly worried about Kelly.

‘’He really cares about you.’’

‘’I am really blessed to have him.’’ Matt agreed, his stomach sinking once more of the thought of Kelly having to go to prison and not being with him.

* * *

They had just fallen asleep when they were awoken by a bang. Kelly wanted to get up to check it out, but before he could worry about what it was, he heard Matt’s rough breathing.

‘’You are okay.’’ Kelly said worried as he searched for the cord of the light on the bedside table. Finally the light popped on and he looked at Matt, curled op on the bed, covering his ears again.

‘’Matt, you are fine, you are fine.’’ Kelly said again, pulling Matt in his arms.

‘’Fireworks.’’ Matt cried, his body shivering and crying with long draws.

‘’No, it was probably just a trashcan falling over Matt, some tubby raccoon trying to get to last of your pasta.’’ Kelly tied to cheer him up, but Matt didn’t stop crying. Not sure what else to do, he just held Matt. Only after a few more minutes, Matt seemed to calm down. Handing him some water, he looked as Matt laid back.

‘’Need anything else?’’

‘’Get me one of the sleeping pills?’’ he panted.

Handing him one of the sleeping pills, he looked concerned at Matt.

‘’You can’t keep going like this.’’

‘’I am fine.’’

The one sentence Kelly really started to hate hearing from his mouth.

Because if Kelly would get in trouble over the incident with the boy, he had no clue how Matt would fare on his own. But he couldn’t tell him that. Instead he laid against Matt again, not even sure what to do anymore, or how to make things better.


	10. 4th of July

Dropping Matt off at the physical therapist, he hoped that the progress he was making there would help him get a more positive outlook. At least for now it seemed that the problems he had with his jaw were only temporary, as it was improving, as were his hands. With the physical therapy, the improvements were slow, but steadily after only 2 sessions. Moving his jaw went a bit better, and Kelly was sure he was his yawns and smile got slightly less crooked. The stitches were removed and although Matt struggled with using his hands, they knew it wasn’t lasting damage, but just soreness as they were healing.

They had another appointment with the ophthalmologist in the afternoon, Matt clearly in discomfort as the doctor got a look at his eye. It was still hard to open, his eye tearing from the laceration and infection caused by the gunpowder. Kelly hated seeing him in pain.

‘’Can you see anything with your eye?’’ The doctor asked, covering the other.

‘’Blurry, but it is hard to open.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’It is good that you can see with your eye, even if it is blurry, however I am concerned about the infection not clearing up.’’ The doctor admitted, letting Matt close his eye again.

‘’Have you been using the drops every day?’’

‘’Yes, you can even ask Kelly, I can’t do it myself.’’ Matt said, immediately defensive.

‘’I trust you, don’t worry.’’ The doctor said a bit taken aback by Matt’s defensive answer.

‘’Either way, the corneal transplant worked and is taking well. Once the infection clears up and the laceration heals, I see no reason why you wouldn’t have sufficient in your eye.’’ The doctor tried to cheer him up.

‘’20/20’’

‘’Pushing your luck a bit there Matt, but that is too early to tell…either way, I will describe you some different eye drops, which you would need to adminis-‘’

Matt stopped listening, instead looking at Kelly concerned, whom just shrugged. Matt knew what Kelly meant, he had to be grateful for the fact he was alive, but all he could worry about now as not being able to return to the job he so much loved.

* * *

Waking up in the morning, Kelly felt lucky they had had a calm night, Matt having slept through it and blissfully waking up as Kelly wrapped his arms around him. Kelly wished that this moment could last forever, not wanting to get up and get back into the mess that was currently their lives. He had an appointment with his lawyer today as the case would go to court soon.

As the morning sun hit Matt on the side of his face, Kelly couldn’t help but look away from the rough scar on the side of his neck. There was a large dent, the skin still rough and red and with the large injury that had been there, the skin, tissue and muscles around it damaged it was there so stay. Kelly didn’t care it was there, but he knew it was never going to go away. He didn’t mind, but he hated Matt would have to see it every day.

Matt moving around as well now, waking up and yawning loudly, pushing himself closer against Kelly.

‘’Goodmorning.’’ He smiled, Kelly taking his hands and caressing them, kissing him on top of his head.

‘’Goodmorning, how are you feeling?’’ Kelly asked concerned, it was almost strange Matt had had such a calm night. The past few nights he had kept tossing and turning, both from the pain around his neck and jaw, but also from the nightmares that kept pestering him.

‘’Tired, but that isn’t new.’’ Matt smiled. Even two weeks after the incident, he felt weak from the blood loss. He was warned it could take a while before he felt normal again, given how much blood he had lost. 

‘’Hurting your hands?’’ Kelly asked concerned, not able to see how he was feeling as the angle he was only only showed the part of his face mostly covered up by the sterile white patch over his eye, in the hopes the infection would clear soon. 

‘’No it feels nice.’’ Matt assured him.

‘’Glad there isn’t any lasting damage.’’ Kelly said as he kissed the top of his right hand.

‘’I am really glad I held my hands up, imagine how much worse it could have been.’’ Matt said, looking down at his hands. The stiches had been removed but had pulled the skin together, and although the former wounds were still a bit red, but they were healing and Matt was lucky there wasn’t any lasting damage to his hands.

‘’I am really happy you did too.’’ Kelly said, wrapping his arms around Matt, kissing him on top of his head. Groaning, he didn’t want to get up, so content to be lying here, calmly, in bliss.

‘’Have to go somewhere?’’ Matt asked concerned, worried he had forgotten about one of his appointments as Kelly grabbed some clothes from the wardrobe he had left there, since he was staying here all the time now.

‘’I am meeting with my lawyer.’’ Kelly admitted as he stuffed the papers in the bag.

Matt nodded, worries immediately washing over him once more.

‘’I know the fire department is looking at lawyering up, but you can still file a personal lawsuit you know.’’ Kelly reminded Matt.

‘’I know, I just can’t-‘’

‘’You can’t deal with the hassle right now.’’ Kelly nodded understanding and Matt nodded.

‘’Just take it easy Matt, easy morning at home.’’ Kelly told him as he sat down on the bed for a second, wanting to make sure Matt was okay. Kisisng him, Matt looked as Kelly walked out to he room lying back down. As he heard the front door, he tried not to cry, all the worries over Kelly washing over him. 

* * *

The fourth of July came around and Kelly wasn’t sure how they were going to get through the day. Matt was already stressed out from the trial coming up and Kelly had offered to spend some time away from the city for the fourth, not wanting to stress Matt out around the fireworks but Matt insisted he would be fine if they wouldn’t leave the house.

Kelly had gone out of his way trying to talk to Matt’s neighbors, wanting to see if he could talk them into not lighting fireworks but the neighbors on the right ignored his request and closed the door and neighbors on the left never opened their door at all.

It wasn’t even one in the afternoon and Matt was already a mess. He was pacing through the house, every single sound clearly scaring him and Kelly hated to see him like this.

‘’Take it easy Matt, just lay down.’’ Kelly said worried as he wasn’t sure what to do.

Suddenly, from their neighbours backyard, they heard a few firecrackers. Kelly groaned, even though it was forbidden in Illinois, lots of people lit off fireworks either way.

Before he could say anything Matt rushed from the back door, through the small patio to the small alley behind the gardens and he sprinted into the one next door, the parents and the kids living beside him looking confused.

‘’Yu – you can’t have the f – you can’t have the fireworks.’’ Matt managed to finally speak some words, although he struggled with all of them.

‘’Not gonna rat us out with the police right? – just having some fun. You can join the barbeque if you have no plans.’’ The man said, looking a bit confused by the disheveled man standing in their backyard.

‘’Hi Matt.’’ One of the kids said a bit excited as he looked at the man that had helped him build his slide a month ago, excited he was there.

‘’Fuck you!’’ Matt yelled, pointing at the man as he seemed to lose temper.

‘’Exc-‘’

‘’Fuck you and your fireworks!’’ Matt yelled, his visible eye filled with tears as Kelly finally caught up with him, lying his hands on his shoulders.

‘’Matt – it’s okay.’’ Kelly tried to calm him down. Matt immediately brushed past him, leaving the garden.

‘’Sorry – he uhm – it’s complicated.’’ Kelly said, stuck between explaining the situation as he looked at the taken aback family. One of the kids looked upset as the one that had greeted Matt started to cry and Matt’s neighbor cleared his throat.

‘’It’s probably better if you leave.’’

‘’Yeah – sorry again.’’ Kelly said, his face flushing red. Walking after Matt, he rushed behind him into the house. Matt stood in the kitchen, sobbing. Wrapping his arms around Matt, Matt pressed his face against Kelly, holding him close as he sobbed loudly.

‘’I am so sorry.’’ Matt sobbed loudly, holding onto Kelly for dear life.

‘’Don’t be sorry Matt, it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.’’ Kelly just said softly.

After hours, Matt had finally calmed down, haphazardly promising he would go talk to a professional. Lying in bed after a quick dinner and taking some painkillers and sleeping pills, Kelly sat with him, caressing over his back as Matt was falling asleep. Only when he was sure Matt was asleep and not waking any time soon, he dared to leave his side.

As Matt had fallen asleep, knocked out by the pills Kelly was finishing up the dishes, noticed the neighbors were sitting outside without the kids now. He doubted for a second, slowly making his way to their garden then.

Knocking on the gate, he slowly opened it.

They looked a bit surprised, waiting for him to say something.

‘’I am really sorry about Matt today.’’ Kelly was the first to say something.

‘’Is he okay?’’ The man said, somewhere between annoyed and worried.

‘’No, not really.’’ Kelly admitted. Although he didn’t want to harm Matt’s privacy, he figured it was better to explain if he wanted to keep living here.

‘’Want a beer?’’ The man offered him, grabbing one from the cooler.

‘’Yeah, yeah thanks.’’ Kelly gladly took it and sat down, knowing Matt had taken enough sleeping pills to tranq a horse.

‘’Is Matt okay? Something we can do?’’ The neighbor asked more concerned than upset now, clearly also feeling that

‘’He uh, something happened on the job to him recently involving fireworks. He is struggling.’’ Kelly admitted, not wanting to spill everything Matt was going through to his neighbors he didn’t know that well, but he needed to get it off his chest as well.

‘’Makes sense he got so upset, we are sorry about upsetting him.’’

‘’I probably should it have handled it better with him.’’ Kelly admitted, feeling a bit guilty.

‘’I am sure you tried you best, sorry, if we had known-‘’

‘’It’s okay.’’

‘’If there is anything we can do for you, please let us know.’’ The wife said compassionate.

‘’Thank you.’’ Kelly thanked them, as much as he knew he wasn’t going to ask for help, almost feeling too proud to do so, he was grateful for their understanding.

Walking back inside Matt’s condo about an hour later, he quietly made his way up to the bedroom. Matt was still asleep, curled up on the bed, wiped out by the painkillers an sleeping pills. As quiet and gently as he could, Kelly threw off his clothes and slipped into bed with him. He laid his arms around Matt, Matt remained asleep as he did so. Holding him close, he knew they had a long road ahead, not even just because Matt’s healing, but with the legal battle coming up as well. All he knew he was going to be here for Matt as much as he could.


	11. The Hotel

Matt was asleep in the passenger seat as Kelly drove the car over de winding roads. Kelly didn’t mind though, the quiet roads helped him clear his head, and he knew that Matt needed his sleep.

He had wanted to take Matt to his cabin, but since it was near Cedar Lake and across the state border, they couldn’t go there. He wasn’t allowed to leave the state with the upcoming trial. But he did want to take Matt out of the house and away from all his worries. Instead he had found a nice hotel in the countryside where they could just enjoy themselves for a few days.

It wasn’t just for Matt, he needed to get out of the house as well. Added to the worries around Matt he had his own worries as well about the trial. He knew that the fire department was working hard plus they were working on Matt’s personal case as well against the boys. But Kelly’s mind had not been with the legal battle at all, considering how rough Matt seemed to be doing.

It was four weeks now since the fateful call. Mouch would return to work in full capacity the next shift and Kidd had already returned to light duty. But for Matt and Kelly were still in limbo. Matt had no idea how long his recovery would be and if he would be able to return. Kelly had no idea about what was going to happen to him either with the upcoming legal battle.

Parking the car in the nearly empty parking lot, Kelly gently shook Matt’s arm.

‘’We are here.’’

‘’Looks like a real hotspot.’’ Matt remarked sarcastically as Kelly’s car was only one of four cars. 

‘’Well, I don’t know about your but I am going to enjoy the quiet.’’ Kelly said as he took the bag from Matt and helped him out of the car. 

Holding Matt as he was worried he was going to fall over, he guided him to a comfortable looking couch. With his eye still covered as the worries about the infection were far from over he still didn’t see any depth, and on the way to the car he had almost fallen on the steps of his own condo.

Sitting down on the couch in the lobby as Kelly went to check in and get their key, Matt trying not to doze off on the couch. He hadn’t slept well at all the last few days and the warmth from the sun in the car seemed to have added to the drowsiness.

‘’We got the suite!’’ Kelly announced excitedly, dangling the keys, waking Matt up from his thoughts.

‘’Why? Did you book it?’’ Matt groaned, not wanting Kelly to splurge on him like that.

‘’I would never.’’

‘’So then why are you holding the suite keys?’’ Matt teased him as Kelly helped him up from the chair and took his bag again.

‘’Because they like us.’’ Kelly joked as they walked to the elevator.

‘’No, it’s probably because we are the only guests.’’ Matt smiled, Kelly glad to see a smile. Getting on the elevator, they made their way to the suite and as Matt sat down on the bed, Kelly’s phone rang.

‘’It’s my lawyer.’’ Kelly said as Matt walked onto the balcony, closing the door to give Kelly some privacy. Kelly didn’t mind if Matt heard him, but knew that Matt didn’t want to know about the legal things, having enough on his mind.

‘’I’ll call you back on Monday.’’ Kelly promised after speaking through some parts of the case, looking as Matt was on the balcony, looking out in front of him. Putting his phone away, he opened the glass sliding door and walked up behind Matt. 

‘’Something is bothering you.’’ Kelly said concerned, wrapping his arms around Matt. He was getting skinny, not eating much since he had gotten hurt on the job. Kelly knew it was partly to blame on how sore the side of his throat still was, and it hurt him to swallow. Besides that, his jaw was getting better, but even then Matt struggled chewing food.

‘’Yeah, yeah there is. I am really ashamed of my outburst on the fourth.’’ Matt admitted, fighting himself free from Kelly’s arms. He was so ashamed about crying because of the fireworks. He was so ashamed for lashing out at his neighbors and he was so ashamed to have pulled Kelly into this.

‘’Stop it Matt, that was a hard day for you, it’s okay to be upset.’’ Kelly said as he laid his hands on Matt’s upper arms once more. ‘’I talked to the neighbors that night, they understood, they aren’t upset.’’

‘’You should leave me.’’ Matt said upset as he walked inside.

It hurt Kelly to even hear him say it.

‘’Matt, you can’t say that-‘’ Kelly said as he walked inside the room, Matt on the couch, his knees pulled up with his arms wrapped around his legs.

‘’I am a wreck and I am no good for you.’’ Matt said calm, cold. Like he had gone over it in his head many times.

‘’Matt-‘’

‘’Just walk out of the door, it will be better for you.’’

‘’But I don’t want to. I want to be with you and to be honest, I am not going to leave you in a hotel here in bumfuck nowhere…so I guess you are stuck here with me.’’

Matt looked at him with a mix of hope and sadness at the same time.

‘’I am not going to leave you just because things get tough.’’ Kelly assured him again. ‘’It is it okay if I sit with you?’’

Matt nodded and Kelly saw down, carefully coming a bit closer to him. Gently, he took Matt’s hands in his, caressing them.

‘’It’s okay not to be okay Matt. Hell. I am not okay either.’’ Kelly told him once again. Even though he hated seeing Matt like this, he was glad the was finally opening up to him.

‘’So what are we going to do now?’’ Matt asked, seemingly calmed down a little.

‘’Try out that tub in the bathroom and order a filthy amount of room service after and stuff ourselves while we lay in bed and we will do that until we can’t move anymore.’’ Kelly said as he gently pulled Matt up from the bed. He knew Matt had meant what they were going to do about their relationship, but he hoped to take his mind of all his worries, knowing that worrying wasn’t good for him.

‘’Feel like I have done enough laying in bed and not moving lately.’’ Matt joked, but he let Kelly take him to the bathroom, sitting him down on the edge of the tub as he let the water run. Helping him Matt get undressed, he was glad that he could help him now. With the tiredness and how weak he still felt he wanted to make sure Matt was okay, helping him sit down in the tub without falling.

He didn’t quite succeed at the latter, Matt slipping and nowhere alert and awake, nor strong enough to grab himself before he could fall, he pulled Kelly right into the tub with him.

‘’Are you okay?’’ Kelly asked concerned as he had fallen right on top of Matt, whom couldn’t stop laughing.

‘’I am fine.’’ Matt laughed, laughing again as Kelly sat up, his clothes soaked.

‘’Not the first time I have fallen for you I guess.’’ Kelly joked as he climbed out of the tub, water dripping off him and his clothes, causing Matt to start laughing again. As he had gotten rid of his wet clothes, Kelly sunk down into the tub as well, Matt looking tired after the laughing. He hated how quickly Matt still tired out. They knew it could take quite some time to recover from the blood loss, but he knew it wasn’t helping his mental state.

Matt moved now through the large tub, sitting closer to Kelly and laying against him then.

‘’This was a good idea.’’ Matt admitted as he laid his head on Kelly’s chest.

‘’Never say I don’t have a good ideas.’’ Kelly said as he wrapped his arm around him.

‘’It is nice they gave us the suite. The tub is nice.’’ Matt said as Kelly caressed his arm, splashing some of the warm water over his arm that wasn’t in the water as the water was still rising.

‘’I did book it.’’ Kelly admitted. He had expected another groan from Matt, but instead he saw a small smile on his face. Stopping the water as the tub was full, Kelly held Matt close, hearing Matt fall asleep once more. Looking down, Matt actually looked peaceful. He knew he had to wake Matt up eventually to eat something, which would cause frustration for Matt with his jaw and his hands. He would have to administer the eyedrops, which hurt Matt a lot and would make him doubt about his eye, knowing that it was all taking a long time.

But for now, everything was a rare instance of perfect.

He didn’t care how long the road was going to be for Matt. All he knew was that nothing had changed how he felt about him. He would never leave him.


	12. Up and down

Waking up in the hotel room, Matt could just make it to the bathroom in time as the room service from the night before made it’s way back up. 

Kelly woke up as well, upset as he heard Matt throw up after what had seemed like a calm night, for the first time in weeks. Matt had actually slept well and hadn’t had any nightmares.

Rushing to the bathroom, he put his hand on Matt’s back as he threw up, carefully helping him sit down against the wall as he was done.

‘’Are you feeling sick?’’ Kelly asked worried, grabbing some water. With the infection already in his eye, he knew that Matt shouldn’t have this much pressure on his head and his eye.

‘’No, just ate too much last night.’’ Matt sighed as he thought back of all the room service they had eaten as he took the water from Kelly.

‘’Owww.’’ Matt groaned as he laid his hand against his neck.

‘’What is it Matt?’’ Kelly asked concerned as he knelt down by him.

‘’Really hurt the scar.’’ Matt admitted, the skin on his neck tight and pulling even worse now.

It made Kelly even more angry that he had to worry about going to prison because of a kid that had done this to Matt.

‘’Alright, let me help you up, okay? I will get you some painkillers then.’’ Kelly said as he gently helped Matt up and brought him to the bed. Dissolving some of the painkillers in some water, he brought it back to Matt, knowing he couldn’t swallow the pill right now.

As soon as Matt laid down, Kelly crawled up against him, holding him close.

‘’Want to get up?’’

‘’No. not really.’’ Matt smiled, enjoying the tight hug they shared.

Only around lunch they got up and left their room, going to the small restaurant by the lake behind the hotel.

Sitting down outside by the waterside, they ordered some lunch, Matt going for something light as he was worried about throwing up again, as well as something easy to eat as his jaw was hurting even more now.

Enjoying the sun and the location, Kelly actually felt good about everything for the first time in weeks, when their food was brought over.

The waiter looked at Matt, clearly looking at his neck and self-conscious Matt put his hand over it as the waiter walked away.

‘’Bit rude how he stared.’’ Kelly said as he felt bad for Matt.

‘’Kelly, I have hole in my neck. People are gonna look.’’ Matt said, although he was not happy about it. Pricking his fork in the food, Kelly felt bad. As much as Matt acted like it didn’t impact him, Kelly knew it did.

‘’You know the doctor said there might be another surgery that could help?’’ Kelly asked carefully, not because he minded the large scar on Matt’s neck, but he felt that if something could be done about it, it would be better for Matt if the scar was less obvious.

Matt nodded, he knew there was another option to have another surgery where they would use tissue from his leg to fill up the hole left by the fireworks.

‘’It’s stupid, because it is just cosmetic.’’ Matt seemingly wasn’t sure what Kelly’s reaction was, but Kelly just wanted Matt to do what would feel right for him. He could imagine that Matt minded the large dent in his neck, besides that, he knew that it could also help his jaw.

‘’It’s not stupid and it is not just cosmetic Matt. Doctor said it will help with your jaw right? And the pain?’’

‘’Yeah, that is true.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’Even if it was cosmetic, that is fine too.’’ Kelly assured him.

‘’I know, I shouldn’t feel like I can’t be vain about it. Plus it will help with my jaw. I will talk to my doctor this week.’’ Matt said, finally starting to eat the food on the plate in front of him. Kelly was glad to see his hands were cooperating well. He knew Matt had had an angel on his shoulder, both with pulling his hands up in time and not having any lasting damage to his hands.

After their lunch, they stood by the waterside, leaned against the fence as they looked over the calm lake.

‘’I am a bit scared to have another surgery, I felt so sick the last two surgeries.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’I will be right there with you.’’ Kelly promised him. He could imagine Matt was not looking forward to feeling so sick again, but also knew it would probably be better for him.

‘’I thought it was you before, but it was Herrmann, still a bit embarrassed about it.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’Don’t be, you needed comfort and Herrmann was there for you, I am really glad he was there for you.’’ Kelly told him as they kept looking at the calm lake. 

Back in the hotel room, Kelly

‘’It starting to look better, really.’’ Kelly assured him. He could see Matt’s eye was less irritated.

‘’You’re not lying?’’ Matt asked scared to be hopeful.

‘’No, your eye is really looking a bit better.’’ Kelly smiled, glad to finally have a sign the antibiotics were doing their job. The laceration was almost healed as well and although the stitches of the corneal transplant had already healed and dissolved, he hoped that that the transplant had done his job.

‘’Can you see?’’ Kelly wondered, as he grabbed another patch to cover his eye again.

‘’Blurry, very blurry, but I see some colours too, so that is hopeful.’’ Matt said with a small smile, covering his eye with his hand as the double vision he still had was making him feel ill. Kelly gently moved his hand aside and put the patch over his eye again.

‘’Won’t be long till you can see me again, properly.’’ Kelly teased him a bit, kissing him then.

‘’I can’t wait for that moment.’’ Matt smiled, a genuine smile at last.

* * *

The day they drove back the city, Casey was in an unusual great mood. Kelly was glad to see him that way, seemingly the few days away of the city had done him a world of good.

Back home, Kelly had gotten a text some of the guys were meeting at Molly’s tonight.

‘’Want to go?’’ he asked, although he could guess it would again be a no.

‘’Yeah, we can go.’’ Matt smiled.

About an hour later they walked into Molly’s, Matt still in a great mood and Kelly hoped being here would only improve it. Grabbing some beer for himself and a water for Matt, he felt finally okay to let lose a little tonight, not worry about the trial nor about Matt too much.

Sitting by the bar with Tony, Matt had joined the table with Cruz and Mouch, making his way back to the bar after a while to get them a round.

‘’Are you okay?’’ Kelly asked concerned, although he had promised not to let his worries take over, they had.

‘’Good.’’ Matt assured him as he took the two beers, making his way back to the table.

Kelly looked back as he heard one of the chairs fall over, concerned. Matt quickly trying to put the chair upright again as he had walked up against the chair and table of a group of girls.

Although Cruz quickly jumped up and quickly helped him put the chair back, the girls from the table where he had bumped up against the chair looked angry and upset as he had knocked some of their drinks over in the process.

Herrmann quickly rushed over with some napkins, promising them new drinks as Matt turned around, quickly walking to the back, loudly hitting the doorway with his shoulder on the way out, making Kelly flinch for a second. It wasn’t the first time he had hurt himself with only having vision in one eye.

He found Matt on the steps outside of the kitchen, shivering as although the days were warm, the nights remained cold. 

‘’Matt?’’ Kelly carefully approached him, sitting down beside him on the steps behind the kitchen.

‘’I am sorry.’’

‘’About what?’’ Kelly asked concerned. ‘’That in there wasn’t your fault.’’

He hated how Matt felt insecure now because of his lack of depth perception with his eye still covered.

‘’I really want to go home.’’ He told Kelly, clearly his good mood had passed.

‘’Yeah, we are going home.’’ Kelly promised him, kissing Matt on his head as he got up to ask Herrmann to call them a cab and pay for their tab.

‘’Matt not coming back?’’ Herrmann asked Kelly walked up to the bar.

‘’No, he isn’t feeling good.’’

‘’He has no reason to be ashamed, accidents happen and you can’t blame him with his eye.’’ Herrmann asked concerned as Kelly paid for the both of their drinks and insisted on paying for the girls drinks as well.

‘’Take care Kelly, of yourself and Matt.’’ Herrmann asked concerned, as much as they acted everything was fine, he could see both of the men were struggling. Walking outside through the main entry to grab their jackets, he walked around back, only to find Matt was gone from the steps where he had left him.

‘’Matt?’’

Looking around for him, he was nowhere to be seen.


	13. Clavicle

Kelly rushed home, hoping to find Matt there. But at Matt’s condo, he wasn’t to be seen.

Cursing, Kelly tried to call him, but Matt didn’t take of his phone either. It came out of nowhere, Matt had been such a good mood, but the incident at the table had clearly set something in him off again.

Concerned, he paced around the house, not sure where to go or what to do, all he wanted was find Matt right now.

Worried, he wanted to text the rest of the crew, but he was worried about letting Matt’s problems sill into the rest of the world.

Finally, he decided to go to the place where the call had taken place where the fireworks had bene thrown at them, hoping that he was right about his gist.

Although he had had only a single beer, he was too concerned to drive, knowing that with the trial coming up that he was not able to run into police now, instead taking a cab. The cab driver seemed a bit confused as Kelly asked him to take him to the delipidated area, but he was relieved as he spotted Matt sitting at the steps by the house.

Getting out of the cab, he paid and make his way to Matt, concerned as he was shivering in the cold.

Matt looked up, almost look relieved when he finally saw Kelly.

‘’Should have figured I would find you here.’’ Kelly said as he slowly approached Casey. Sitting down on the steps in beside him, he saw Matt was looking at the concrete in front of him.

Washed away by the rain, but clearly visible was a faded red large spot, at the place were Matt had collapsed those weeks ago. The place he had been bleeding out on the ground.

‘’Are you okay?’’ Kelly asked concerned, although he did know the answer. Matt was not okay, as much as he would have wanted him to.

‘’I don’t know, my head is just a mess.’’ Matt admitted as he looked at the faded blood in front of him.

‘’Does this place bother you?’’

‘’I thought that it would, but it doesn’t, not really.’’ Matt admitted as he looked at the ground. ‘’Although this had happened here, it doesn’t change anything for me.’’

Looking in Matt’s sad eyes, Kelly felt horrible, knowing there was nothing he could do to make anything better. He wanted to be angry at Matt for leaving the bar and scaring him, but he knew that the last thing that would help Matt was to scold at him.

‘’Come on, let’s get you home.’’ Kelly helped him up as he called for a cab. Matt groaned as Kelly pulled him up, grabbing his shoulder.

‘’Hit it on the doorframe?’’ Kelly remembered from the bar, concerned as Matt clutched his shoulder.

‘’Yeah, but it’s fine.’’

‘’Doesn’t sound so fine, probably should get it checked out.’’ Kelly said concerned.

‘’I don’t want to.’’ Matt said annoyed.

‘’I am taking you to the emergency room, Matt.’’ Kelly said strict as he knew Matt, and he wouldn’t admit he would need help even if he did. He wanted to help Matt his jacket on, but Matt didn’t manage to get it on, wincing as he moved his arm Kelly draped the jacket over his shoulders instead. Sitting down in the cab, Matt was wincing as Kelly laid his arm around him and Kelly felt even worse, but he knew that Matt had to get it checked out.

‘’Hey, don’t cry, thing are going to be okay.’’ Kelly said concerned as he saw Matt cry beside him, wiping the tear from his face.

‘’Sorry, I just…it hurts.’’ He finally admitted.

‘’I know, you are going to be fine now.’’ Kelly said, kissing Matt on his head and looking out of the window of the cab, only more concerned about the trial now, knowing that Matt was far from fine without him.

In the emergency room, he was quick to be seen, considering the time he had spend here after the firework incident, as well as being a decorated firefighter.

Matt groaned as they tried to take his shirt off, and soon it was cut off.

‘’I am ok-‘’ he wanted to tell the doctor again.

‘’Your clavicle is broken.’’ The doctor told him straight away, Kelly wincing as he saw the large bump under Matt’s skin.

‘’Can you set it?’’ Matt asked, looking more annoyed and tired than concerned.

‘’We are going to make an x-ray, but it looks like you are going to need surgery.’’

‘’When?’’ Matt just asked upset as Kelly squeezed his free right hand.

‘’Tomorrow, the earliest. But we need to talk to your doctor as well, given it is so close –‘’

‘’Yeah.’’ Matt sighed annoyed, as he knew they wouldn’t just operate that close to the large scar on his neck.

‘’Maybe you can look at doing surgery on the scar as well?’’ Kelly said hopeful, knowing that Matt would never have another surgery if he had to sign up for it separately, knowing that Matt was so nervous.

‘’Maybe, we can look into that.’’ The doctor promised, Matt looked bummed, knowing he had to stay overnight.

* * *

Soon he was brought to a private room, his arm in a sling and supported by a pillow to keep his broken clavicle from moving.

‘’You are going to be okay.’’ Kelly wanted to comfort him, feeling so sorry for the horrible day he had had.

‘’I am so sick of all of this.’’ Matt admitted as he started to cry. ‘’I didn’t ask for this to happen, and the last thing I want is to lose you too.’’

‘’I know, but I am not going anywhere.’’ Kelly said as he moved closer, gently stroking Matt’s hair. 

‘’You don’t know that, you might get convicted Kelly, and you know it. Wouldn’t they have dropped the charges if they knew they were losing.’’ Matt said upset.

‘’You gotta trust it is going to be okay.’’

‘’how Kelly? How is any of this going to be okay.’’ Matt asked upset.

‘’Because I am going to be right here with you, today, after the surgery, after the trial in 3 days.’’ Kelly promised him. He wanted to hug Matt and never let him go, but with the fragile state he was in, he knew that wasn’t an option.

‘’Is it okay if I call Herrmann to pick up some of your clothes? So I can stay here with you?’’ Kelly asked, Matt sighing.

‘’Yeah, guess so.’’ Matt mumbled. Kelly sat down on the edge of the bed, carefully kissing Matt on his forehead, the last thing he wanted was to hurt him. Sitting with him, he texted Herrmann about the stuff, hoping that he was still awake after closing the bar. Nodding off, he held Matt’s hand, hoping that he was at least comfortable through this.

There was short knock on the window that woke him up, Herrmann waving, concerned.

As Kelly met Herrmann on the hallway, Matt had just fallen asleep. They had given him some painkillers, his clavicle hurting much worse now the adrenaline had worn off.

‘’It’s not fair.’’ Herrmann sighed as he looked at Matt on the bed, clearly upset to see him like this again. Kelly took the bag from him, not sure what to say either.

‘’Chris, if I go to the jail, please promise me you look after him. He says he is okay, but he isn’t.’’ Kelly asked concerned after a while, as much as he kept telling Matt he was going to be fine, he was doubtful, knowing that he really could end up in jail for a few months.

‘’I know, I will, but nothing is going to happen Kelly.’’ Herrmann said concerned.

‘’I hope so, but we need to prepare for the fact I might to jail. I hit a kid, I did what I did, I will get through jail. But I need to know Matt is going to be okay.’’ Kelly said concerned as they sat down on one of the benches.

‘’We will take care of him Kelly, I promise.’’ Herrmann said.

‘’Thank you.’’ Kelly said with somewhat of a relief, although he really wanted to believe that everything would be okay after the trial, he knew there was a chance that he would have to go to prison. He had hit a minor afterall, and that minor had suffered because of it. Although he wanted to be angry of what they had done to Matt, he knew that he should not have done it.

Walking back into the room soon with Matt’s stuff that Hermann had brought to them.

‘’You look good.’’ He was met with a smile form Matt, all he needed after the hell of a night they had been having.

‘’You have had too many painkillers.’’ Kelly smiled, just glad to see Matt in good spirits, even if was because of the painkillers. Carefully he sat down on Matt’s good side, the last thing he wanted was to hurt him.

‘’No, I am fine.’’ Matt assured him, giggling slightly then as he laid against Kelly.

‘’You are really not going anywhere, right?’’ Matt asked concerned, almost like a small child.

‘’Not going anywhere, I promise.’’ Kelly said, kissing Matt on his forehead as his boyfriend fell asleep against him, just glad that Matt seemed to be comfortable.


End file.
